ATTN ALL THE SINGLE DUDES[views:11830][posts:131]______________________________________ [May 10,2006 9:23am - the_reverend ""] Since all you guys out there seem to be missing the b00bles to b00gle, I'm going to give you the secrets that have kept me with my gf for a long time. maybe this will help you get the bone out of your hand (and your mind off myspace) and into a sweet honey pot! 1) ACTING! if you can't feel it, fake it: http://www.zefrank.com/acting/index.html learning good acting skills will keep you out of trouble more than you can ever imagine. Pay special attention to the endorsement one. that one has helped me a lot more than you would expect. 2)DANCING! learn to shake that booty. http://www.zefrank.com/indexdance.html http://www.zefrank.com/dance2/navigation.html you can keep a woman interested in you by busting out the funk moves. they especially like this when you are in public with their family. 3) SOCIAL INTERACTION! learning how to act in public was the hardest one. http://www.zefrank.com/date_1/navigation.html they don't cover the butt poke when the girl is walking up stairs infront of you, but I hope that will come in future editions. once you learn all these steps, you will get to play with a set of these: [img] all the time. |
| ____________________________________________ [May 10,2006 9:30am - ConquerTheBaphomet ""] This is geared toward the computer nerds who sit at home all day and play Runescape. |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 9:31am - Ma_Dukes ""] hahahhahaha great advice |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 9:31am - succubus ""] Yes! Yes! The rev is the BEST actor ever and can shake a mean booty! I just wish I didn't get poked in the butt when walking upstairs though... |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 9:34am - Ma_Dukes ""] haha.... |
| ________________________________ [May 10,2006 9:57am - Ryan_M ""] ConquerTheBaphomet said:This is geared toward the computer nerds who sit at home all day and play Runescape. ah, that would be my youngest brother. the sad thing is, he's banged more sluts than i could have ever hoped for when i was in high school. but i guess that's because he's an effeminate, hot topic poster boy who paid to see in theaters AND purchased the DVD - brokeback mountain. girls melt for guys like that. |
| ___________________________________ [May 10,2006 10:00am - Ma_Dukes ""] hmmm.....that is odd....those are usually the ones scare me |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:08am - Sacreligion ""] i dont believe any of this mumbo jumbo...YOU'RE ALL CRAZY! |
| _____________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:11am - BornSoVile ""] if anyone wants some dancing advice, i advise you to stop by room 28 in framingham at the sexcrement space for a 101 lesson from yours truly featuring the art of wu-tang and odb. i'm goood, trust me. |
| ___________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:12am - Ma_Dukes ""] hahahahaha |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:12am - Sacreligion ""] bornsovile ain't nothin to fuck with |
| ___________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:14am - Ma_Dukes ""] is that so? |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:15am - Sacreligion ""] according to him...yes |
| ___________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:16am - Ma_Dukes ""] i had some old drunk guy try to teach my how to cha cha the other night.....he stepped on me and i fell over, so that was the end of that. |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:19am - Sacreligion ""] that's a saaad story |
| ___________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:20am - Ma_Dukes ""] yeah yeah, why cause i was semi dancing with an old drunk man? or cause it was the cha cha |
| _________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:21am - xmikex ""] 10 Foolproof tips 1. Pull your head out of your ass 2. Ask questions instead of just talking 3. Pull your head out of your ass 4. Approach the situation with at least a minimal amount of dignity and respect. 5. Think of something clever to say, not the kind of clever that your meathead friends would appreciate, not the kind of clever that only you, the dude from Burzum and about 12 other people would get. Clever. Like for normals. 6. Take the extra 2 seconds to read if a girl is IN A RELATIONSHIP on Myspace. If she's in a relationship odds are she isn't down for being chatted up by METALSLOB666@obnoxious.com. 7. Have something better to say than YOURE REALLY HOT, ME AND 7 OF MY FRIENDS ARE COMING TO YOUR CITY, GIVE US YOUR NUMBER....N00dZ? Or any variation thereof. 8. Know when to give up. Persistance is a virtue. Making an ass of yourself is something else. 9. Don't hit on my girlfriend. Ever. I'll feed you your own small intestine. 10. Seriously, pull your head out of your fucking ass. It's embarassing watching some of you clowns work. |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:24am - Sacreligion ""] i think it might be a combination of everything...but being drunk allows such things to occur i had a similar incident the other night at karaoke...i was unfortunately right next to where people were singing and i was inappropriately groped by this random old woman singing "it's raining men" |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:25am - Sacreligion ""] xmikex said:6. Take the extra 2 seconds to read if a girl is IN A RELATIONSHIP on Myspace. If she's in a relationship odds are she isn't down for being chatted up by METALSLOB666@obnoxious.com. the fact that you brought myspace into this discredits anything you've said |
| ___________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:28am - Ma_Dukes ""] HAHAHAHAHAH! i almost took out some dude the other night, i was waiting in line for the bathroom, with my bag on my shoulder. next thing i know i feel someone "caressing" tthe back of my arm..i turn around ready deck someone, and this dude was like, sorry i was admiring your pin on your bag and i wanted to touch it..(slayer pin) and he says, can i touch it agaain, and i told him if he wanted to die he could. he then proceed to introducem me to his girlfriend, where they then tried to get me to go home with them...i love cinco de mayo |
| _________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:31am - xmikex ""] Sacreligion said:xmikex said:6. Take the extra 2 seconds to read if a girl is IN A RELATIONSHIP on Myspace. If she's in a relationship odds are she isn't down for being chatted up by METALSLOB666@obnoxious.com. the fact that you brought myspace into this discredits anything you've said pffft. myspace is where dudes make themselves look more foolish than anywhere else. people are getting ass from myspace all day every day. if you're missing out it's because you're doing something wrong. |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:32am - Sacreligion ""] haha...i'd stay far away from that place at the same karaoke place a different older woman came up to all of us saying it was her birthday and how we should do something special to celebrate...i took that as my cue to leave...instantly |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:32am - Sacreligion ""] xmikex said:pffft. myspace is where dudes make themselves look more foolish than anywhere else. people are getting ass from myspace all day every day. if you're missing out it's because you're doing something wrong. nah i'm just normal |
| ___________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:35am - Ma_Dukes ""] hahahaha nice, you should have! i was a lil tipsy on cinco de mayo, and the band that was playing made signs for the bartender to hold up when they played a certain song, i am friends with the bartender, so hands me a sign to hold up for him when the band did this song, i realized after a few creepy old men winked at me that i prolly should have read the sign before i held it up..it said "lick it" and the best part i was holding it upside down..no more nights out for jen. |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:37am - Sacreligion ""] funny...i'd use that as a reason to go out MORE |
| ___________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:38am - Ma_Dukes ""] oi vey |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:52am - Sacreligion ""] i think we're getting off topic here...we need to discuss the fact that aaron blatantly took that picture so he can masturbate to it later sick fuckin bastard |
| ___________________________________________ [May 10,2006 11:56am - dwellingsickness ""] Sacreligion said:the fact that you brought myspace into this discredits anything you've said Point.Set.Match.... The Sac wins!!:doublehorns: |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 12:01pm - Sacreligion ""] The Sac always wins! [img] |
| _________________________________________ [May 10,2006 12:03pm - craigforacurse ""] all the women ive dated assure me the problem isnt me, its them.....are they lying to me?!?!? |
| _________________________________ [May 10,2006 12:20pm - xmikex ""] haha send me a postcard from the 18th Century some time you guys. live in the now. |
| _______________________________________ [May 10,2006 12:31pm - the_reverend ""] let's find some bible quotes to back this sizzle up! |
| ___________________________________________ [May 10,2006 12:32pm - dwellingsickness ""] WHEN DATING AND MYSPACE GET INVOLVED...NEED I SAY MORE? [img] |
| _____________________________________ [May 10,2006 12:42pm - anonymous ""] craigforacurse said:all the women ive dated assure me the problem isnt me, its them.....are they lying to me?!?!? ummm...i think yes, girls suck for the most part at being straight foreward |
| __________________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:11pm - davefromthegrave ""] anonymous said:craigforacurse said:all the women ive dated assure me the problem isnt me, its them.....are they lying to me?!?!? ummm...i think yes, girls suck for the most part at being straight foreward that's very true. this thread is actually about some dude and the wicked funny videos he makes, but since all you guys can't get laid you just sorta focused on that. Now the dancing, throwing pancakes on himself idiot guy is funny, but the patheticness of everyone who took over this thread with "how to get pussy" advice is even funnier. |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:13pm - Ma_Dukes ""] hey man, i aint giving any how to get pussy advice |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:28pm - the_reverend ""] no, you need some. you ain't got no skills to spill. you had carina in your car. did you get anything? no. |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:30pm - Ma_Dukes ""] who's willing to teach me? |
| __________________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:31pm - davefromthegrave ""] Ma_Dukes said:who's willing to teach me? you only need to learn one line "does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" |
| ______________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:34pm - the_reverend ""] HA! |
| _____________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:36pm - Sacreligion ""] hey i didn't give any advice either...i've just been going on my nonsensical rants that chloroform joke is the best thing i've ever heard |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:36pm - Ma_Dukes ""] hmmmm...good approach....i think i may try that..... |
| _____________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:38pm - Sacreligion ""] you stay far away from me with that rag. . . |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:40pm - Ma_Dukes ""] who? |
| _____________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:42pm - Sacreligion ""] you...you're crazy...i've heard all about you you do the cha-cha-chloroform |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:43pm - Ma_Dukes ""] hahahaha cha cha chloroform! that is great! i was saving it for rich horror though |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:43pm - Ma_Dukes ""] kidding |
| _____________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:44pm - Sacreligion ""] don't you mean rich happy? |
| __________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:45pm - Ma_Dukes ""] hahaha...and whattaya mean you've heard about me? |
| _________________________________ [May 10,2006 1:52pm - pisscup ""] THINGS WOMEN NEED TO REALIZE 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ..... Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, monster trucks or Sex. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. |