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you are quoting a heck of a lot there.
[QUOTE]blah blah blah[/QUOTE] to reply to the_taste_of_cigarettes.
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[QUOTE="the_taste_of_cigarettes:415023"]there's tons of explanations by me there's like 3 on this board here are 2 I sent out: e: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 21:13:02 -0800 (PST) From: "N Cigarettes" <fireandjail@yahoo.com> Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book Add Mobile Alert Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more Subject: Dialogue To: punk@abcnorio.org, fireandjail@yahoo.com Hi, my Name's Nicholas and I recently played a show at ABC No Rio last Saturday. When we arrived, a person from the Boston area, Janek, who has a gripe with me, apparently, told some members of the collective some pretty erroneous and hurtful things about me having done some pretty awful things, sexually, to one of his friends. It was brought to my attention that I would have to write to ABC No Rio and participate in a dialogue if I were to have any interest in playing there again. At first, I was receptive to the idea as it seemed like a means to an end. I understand the collective has a desire to be seen as a place that helps develop postive feelings and safety within the punk community, as well as the arts community as a whole. However, as I rode home to MA that night, I maintained this incredible feeling like I am still being beaten emotionally for something I did not do. I can't summarize in words how awful this experience has been for me, and how needlessly, as well as overwhelmingly, various persons from the Boston punk scene have treated me with undeserved disdain, slander, and negative fallout. I have been very upfront about trying to discuss this issue with parties involved. Yet, the person involved has not been receptive to that and has instead, via the internet, gossip at shows, etc etc spread this notion about me to places it need not go. The problem here is -- if you can momentarily accept for sake of argument that anything I say on this will be to the effect that i simply did not do what I am accused of doing -- that I am continuously made to feel more and more dehumanized by talking about every tiny detail of my private life with every person who decides to call themselves "punk". As a person that does not talk very openly about the sex I have had with people (I make a policy not to include people's names or the "gorey details" when it comes up for any reason, even casually) this has been a really, pardon my french, fucking horrendous experience. I feel stripped naked and pointed at, and since this has been going on for over a year now, I'm really, again pardon me, fucking sick of it. My feelings of discontent and insecurity have grown leaps and bounds. This experience is bringing out poor qualities in me as I feel depressed and shitty; like a kid that has been completely shitbeat for having spilled milk at dinner. The point is, I don't think it's ABC's place to ask me to describe, in detail, my sex life or any kind of private detail in order to "earn the right" to play there again. I am an active member of the music community, my band writes cerebral, intelligent music that is trying to expand on notions of composition and form, as well as true content in art. None of our songs are songs that spread hate, sexism, racism, or any of that ilk (you have our lyrics, you can see that for yourself). That said, this incident should have absolutely no bearing on ABC or my right to play there, in my opinion. I am not eager to discuss this ridiculous issue any further with the persons involved (all my previous attempts to do it in a respectable way such as email exchange, PMs through message boards, phone calls, mediators, etc have been rejected long ago), and I am irate with Janek who wrote my girlfriend a letter saying she shouldn't date me for a laundry list of reasons. This kind of behavior is hateful and harmful; it doesn't solve anything and just makes people feel like complete fucking shit. I pose no threat -- nor in ANY WAY does my band -- to the ABC Collective, nor would I in the future. I recognize the kinds of things it tries to do in the community; Myself and an ex-girlfriend were two of the co-founders of the Cambridge Food Not Bombs chapter here in MA; I have run a series of benefits for FNB, Books To Prison, The Lucy Parsons Center, and other such charitable organizations; My other project "How They Light Cigarettes In Prison" seeks to promote initiative in making and creating political and personal change. My girlfriend and I are monogomously (and quite seriously) involved, so "fear" that I might "harm" some female member of the community (which disgusts me to my very core that this would even be brought as a possiblity to you people) is out of the question. I hope that in consideration of all these things that ABC will consider what this kind of thing has done to me and realize that it serves no positive outcome in putting itself in a situation that does not, in any clear way, seem to involve it. I feel Janek was in the wrong to bring it to your attention, as it did not involve you in nature and still does not involve you in nature. At the very least I would appreciate if the need for me to write you a biopic on my sex life could be ommited and you could simply look at these credentials and believe that my presence in your community will be a great addition; or at the very minimum, at least not a harmful disturbance. It is easy to recognize that there could be no great problem caused by letting a soundly artistic and creative band occassionally play a 15 minute set at your venue for some like-minded individuals, some saturday here or there. Thank you for your time, Nicholas Cigarettes The Taste of Silver and the other one is on the other computer, and also this board.[/QUOTE]
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